Week 9 - ...and then there was but one

[JDPNYY]

Schedule this here week:

Springfield Nuks (1-7) @ The Best Team (4-4)
Mrs. Bill & Sluggo (3-5) @ Michigan Wolverines (6-2)
Shenanigans (5-3) @ Felonious Punks (8-0)
Romanian Yankees (5-3) @ Three True Outcomes (2-6)
Sons of Pitches (3-5) @ Hobbled Men (6-2)
Fightin'FisherMen (1-7) @ Warning Track Power (4-4)
Larrupin' Lou's (4-4) @ Planet Express (3-5)
Sunshine Carpet (2-6) @ Ligers (7-1)

[hardrain]

Predictions:
Shenanigans pick off the Punks in a barn burner, Punks lose first game
Ligers refuse to get brainwashed by the Carpet Cleaners. Emerge victorious. Become tied for best league record
Fish win game 2! Parade planned after Memorial Day, culminating with the FishFloat and the crowning of Miss Tuna.
Nukes fall behind the Fish for the worst record in the league. Best Team has a great week.
Poor LOUs get more injuries this week.
Other games too close to call.

[hardrain]

Press conference tomorrow at 2pm. Fish to announce new GM.

[JDPNYY]

As Aaron Hicks did not report to Ligerville, he has been let go.

[hardrain]

As Aaron Hicks did not report to Ligerville, he has been let go.

maybe he had an early golf time. And doesn't he have 72 hours to report?

[hardrain]

The Fish plan to file a protest this week for having to play at WarningTrack Stadium given its ominous weather forecast.
Attempts to play the series at a neutral site have gone unanswered. We need our Comish to be a tad more active.

The daily shades of the sky forecast for our away week:

Monday: Turquoise
Tuesday: Taupe
Wednesday: Robin’s egg
Thursday: Turquoise/taupe
Friday: Coal dust, with creeping fear
Saturday: Coal dust with chances of indigo in the late afternoon
Sunday: Void

[hardrain]

Headline: Ligers Owner with a Mean Streak Releases Player Hicks for Failing to Report to New Team

[Ligerville], [NJ] - In a shocking turn of events, Ligers' owner, Mr. Stingy McScrooge, displayed his notorious mean streak by promptly releasing just acquired star player Aaron Hicks for failing to report to the team's new location. Fans and critics alike were left scratching their heads at the owner's ruthless decision, sparking a wave of bewilderment and gnashing of teeth across the sports world.

Hicks, widely regarded as one of the league's top talents, found himself in a state of utter confusion when he arrived at the team's former training facility only to find it deserted, with tumbleweeds lazily rolling by. Expecting to see his teammates, coaches, and a state-of-the-art facility, all he found were crickets chirping and a sign saying, "Gone fishing!"

Unbeknownst to Hicks, Mr. McScrooge had concocted an elaborate plan to test the player's loyalty. According to insiders, the owner had sent a single pigeon with a tiny scroll tied to its leg, bearing the message, "Dear Hicks, pack your bags and head to NoGolfville. Regards, McScrooge." Unfortunately, the bird apparently took a detour through three neighboring states, got sidetracked by a fish vendor, and never delivered the message.

As the hour passed and the puzzled Hicks practiced his skills alone in the ghost town, rumors started circulating that the player was holding out for a hefty raise or demanding a personal parade upon his arrival. However, the truth was much simpler: he had no idea where his new golf course was.

Meanwhile, Mr. McScrooge, notorious for his unconventional management style and frugality, grew increasingly frustrated with Hick's absence. His frustration reportedly reached its peak when he discovered that the player had been posting daily selfies on social media, oblivious to the team's strict code of electronic ethics. The owner allegedly burst into his office, shouting, "Enough is enough! Release him immediately! Let the pigeons find him a new home!"

Upon hearing the news of his release, Hicks simply shrugged and said, "Well, I guess I can use this extra free time to golf."

When confronted about his decision to ditch the baseball diamond for the golf course, Hicks responded with a twinkle in his eye, saying, "Golf is a gentleman's game, you know? The grass is greener, the outfits are snazzier, and the applause is more polite. Plus, have you ever tried yelling 'FORE!' on a baseball field? It just doesn't have the same ring to it."

As for Mr. McScrooge, he remained unapologetic about his decision. When asked for a comment, he grumbled, "I pay millions of dollars for pigeons to deliver messages, and this is what I get? The nerve of that player! I wouldn't even wish him a landline connection now!"

He added, "I have the Fish on the phone, and I am trying to negotiate a trade with the office intern since they have no GM. Please leave at once."

[Stupid Flanders]

Stingy McScrooge, eh? I like the cut of his jib!

[JDPNYY]

Headline: Ligers Owner with a Mean Streak Releases Player Hicks for Failing to Report to New Team

[Ligerville], [NJ] - In a shocking turn of events, Ligers' owner, Mr. Stingy McScrooge, displayed his notorious mean streak by promptly releasing just acquired star player Aaron Hicks for failing to report to the team's new location. Fans and critics alike were left scratching their heads at the owner's ruthless decision, sparking a wave of bewilderment and gnashing of teeth across the sports world.

Hicks, widely regarded as one of the league's top talents, found himself in a state of utter confusion when he arrived at the team's former training facility only to find it deserted, with tumbleweeds lazily rolling by. Expecting to see his teammates, coaches, and a state-of-the-art facility, all he found were crickets chirping and a sign saying, "Gone fishing!"

Unbeknownst to Hicks, Mr. McScrooge had concocted an elaborate plan to test the player's loyalty. According to insiders, the owner had sent a single pigeon with a tiny scroll tied to its leg, bearing the message, "Dear Hicks, pack your bags and head to NoGolfville. Regards, McScrooge." Unfortunately, the bird apparently took a detour through three neighboring states, got sidetracked by a fish vendor, and never delivered the message.

As the hour passed and the puzzled Hicks practiced his skills alone in the ghost town, rumors started circulating that the player was holding out for a hefty raise or demanding a personal parade upon his arrival. However, the truth was much simpler: he had no idea where his new golf course was.

Meanwhile, Mr. McScrooge, notorious for his unconventional management style and frugality, grew increasingly frustrated with Hick's absence. His frustration reportedly reached its peak when he discovered that the player had been posting daily selfies on social media, oblivious to the team's strict code of electronic ethics. The owner allegedly burst into his office, shouting, "Enough is enough! Release him immediately! Let the pigeons find him a new home!"

Upon hearing the news of his release, Hicks simply shrugged and said, "Well, I guess I can use this extra free time to golf."

When confronted about his decision to ditch the baseball diamond for the golf course, Hicks responded with a twinkle in his eye, saying, "Golf is a gentleman's game, you know? The grass is greener, the outfits are snazzier, and the applause is more polite. Plus, have you ever tried yelling 'FORE!' on a baseball field? It just doesn't have the same ring to it."

As for Mr. McScrooge, he remained unapologetic about his decision. When asked for a comment, he grumbled, "I pay millions of dollars for pigeons to deliver messages, and this is what I get? The nerve of that player! I wouldn't even wish him a landline connection now!"

He added, "I have the Fish on the phone, and I am trying to negotiate a trade with the office intern since they have no GM. Please leave at once."

These hack pieces of sensational "news" written, surely, by Chat AI software are counter-productive to our civilization. One would only have to read the first couple of words to know that the entire article is worthy of skipping. Everyone knows that Ligerville is a section of Preston Idaho. A growing thriving area in one of the Nation's greatest places to call home.

Noting that Ligerville is in NJ is the kind of shoddy and hurtful reporting that is becoming the way of the world and it saddens me.

[hardrain]

These hack pieces of sensational "news" written, surely, by Chat AI software are counter-productive to our civilization. One would only have to read the first couple of words to know that the entire article is worthy of skipping. Everyone knows that Ligerville is a section of Preston Idaho. A growing thriving area in one of the Nation's greatest places to call home.

Noting that Ligerville is in NJ is the kind of shoddy and hurtful reporting that is becoming the way of the world and it saddens me.

I beg to differ with your assessment, Potato Head. (Idaho - get it?) But I don't have time to argue today. The Press Conference is at 2pm for the new GM of the Fish. I have to order bologna sandwiches for all the reporters. Also, the fat-free yogurt needs to be brought in via rickshaw. Hence, I am very busy.

One of the obstacles for the press conference is the new GM is a deaf-mute. He only communicates by sing language and facial expressions. Well, and mental telepathy too.

[JDPNYY]

I beg to differ with your assessment, Potato Head. (Idaho - get it?) But I don't have time to argue today. The Press Conference is at 2pm for the new GM of the Fish. I have to order bologna sandwiches for all the reporters. Also, the fat-free yogurt needs to be brought in via rickshaw. Hence, I am very busy.

One of the obstacles for the press conference is the new GM is a deaf-mute. He only communicates by sing language and facial expressions. Well, and mental telepathy too.

You should think about having the Press Conferences for your parade of GMs two weeks after they start. That would cut down on press conferences by 100%.

[hardrain]

It is a very quiet week in here. We really need more chatter. John does hard work with these weekly dispatches. Don't we all have a story to tell?

On a positive note, the new Fish GM is up and running. His name is Mr. X. He promises a championship next year. Not the pennant (we have one of those) but a championship. However, Mr. X prefers to operate in the background with no fanfare. So, his presence will be rather difficult to perceive. It is one of "those things."

[JDPNYY]

It is a very quiet week in here.

How about a Friday update?


Springfield Nuks (1-7) @ The Best Team (4-4)
The Nuk Nuk Nuks are out in the lead between two teams hovering around a hunnert pts. The Bests have a 1 man PSR edge.

Mrs. Bill & Sluggo (3-5) @ Michigan Wolverines (6-2)
MichieWo is lovin the matchup this week as Mrs Bill is seemingly resting this week. Oh, but that crafty Missus has a 5-2 PSR advantage this long weekend. So don't be so darn confident Mishie.

Shenanigans (5-3) @ Felonious Punks (8-0)
ShenDawg needs a win here at 5-3 and with the AMAZING Punks at 8-0, a win keeps the Shen in contention, a loss and the dream of another division win for the Shens is pretty much poofed. Shen leads the Perfect Punks 155-112 (PSRs are all knotted at 3).

Romanian Yankees (5-3) @ Three True Outcomes (2-6)
RomYan is all kinds of behind in this one. The Threes lead by a whopping 88 points. You'd be on the crazy side to count the Roms out though. Speaking from recent experience and all.

Sons of Pitches (3-5) @ Hobbled Men (6-2)
These two giants of industry both his the ground running this year. One team fell back like the field in the 1973 Belmont Stakes. But a win here for the Sonny's would help out a lot. It's close Sonny leads the Commish 129-122.5. It should be a fun 3 days for one of these teams.

Fightin'FisherMen (1-7) @ Warning Track Power (4-4)
The Fish Men guaranteed a win this week. What really is a guarantee. Nothing. Means nothing. Warning Track has the inside track to a win here.

Larrupin' Lou's (4-4) @ Planet Express (3-5)
This one might end up close, but for now the Express has just over a 30 point lead. The Lou's do have 5 Pitching Starts Remaining to the Express' 4. So factor that in when placing your bets on this matchup. Remember your first bet is free if you sign up with the promo code.

Sunshine Carpet (2-6) @ Ligers (7-1)
Teams always come to play when the Ligers are the opponent, this week ---- no different. The 2-6 Sunshiners have the 4th most points this week. I mean come on. Can't the Ligers ever get a laugher? Every weekend is filled with Rolaids.

[HelloNewman]

Sunshine Carpet (2-6) @ Ligers (7-1)
Teams always come to play when the Ligers are the opponent, this week ---- no different. The 2-6 Sunshiners have the 4th most points this week. I mean come on. Can't the Ligers ever get a laugher? Every weekend is filled with Rolaids.[/B]

Is it laughter you seek, my son? The Sunshine Carpet Cleaners laugh openly, with great joy, at the cleanliness we bring to offices everywhere. We exult in cleanliness which is indeed next to godliness. Come, come let us bear witness to you. Perhaps we can show you the way.

[Stupid Flanders]

I could win this week. If I am to in the Champjonship, this would be the greatest turnaround in sports history.